Venus and Mars

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown

into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

For example:

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "What??!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not for what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realising that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I decided to take the day off of work to spend time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited.

She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said,

"I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out,

"No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile.

You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

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