Ordering Drinks

Please remember to order one drink at a time as we like to run backwards and forwards. It keeps us fit.

When ordering a round please make sure you don't know what you want when you arrive at the bar. We like to stand and wait while you nip forwards and backwards or shout across the room to find out, altohugh we do generally find that the other people at the bar have been waiting 'half an hour' and may start moaning, not your problem.

Once you have received two drinks please take them back to your table and stay for a quick chat before coming back to pay, we'll still be waiting and we're not going anywhere and we'd appreciate the rest.

Always order Guinness last as we really want you to stand at the bar with all your other drinks while it settles and we are particularly pleased when we forget about it and have to reminded to top it up.

Never put the money in our hands - we like to pick it up off the bar especially if it's all in change and in a puddle of beer.

Never say 'please' or 'thank you'. It only irritates us.

Always waut until you have been told how much your round is before asking for crisps and snacks. (When requiring ready salted crisps please ensure you ask for the full range available before asking for plain - it helps us learn the stock.)

When ordering a pint for Jim, Tom or whoever please don't ask them what they want just tell us their name or show us where they are standing because we like to guess and get such a thrill when we get it right.

If on arriving at the bar there is somebody waiting before you, shout up before them. We like to be abused by people who think they have been served out of turn and it is usually our own fault. We have the ability to keep track of people as they arrive at the bar particularly on busy nights, so why not use it.

If you have been waiting at the bar for more than two minutes then please heckle us and tell us you have been waiting for haf an hour. It keeps us on our toes and we have no concept of time.

Can we remind you that the bell is just to make sure that you are awake. We don't want you to come to the bar for last orders until two minutes past eleven when we have turned the lights off.

If not 'of the faith' when spotting the water jug on the bar please shout "What's that, holy water?". Although we have heard this a million times we never cease to find it amusing.

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